Bad Happy - Ep. 457

You deserve love even if it's hard to come by,
You have value even if it's tough to find,
There's a spark deep inside you that refuses to die, 
An Inherently Happy source of your spirit, heart and mind.

[full text below]

Ep. 457 - Bad Happy

We begin as always 
with the Happy Creed.

We believe in Happy, 
in Balance and Growth, 
of being Mindful and Grateful,
Compassionate and Understanding.

Yowza
Haha
My Happy Friends!

Have you ever felt that you were bad?
Not as in a failure, or in a foul mood,
But that you’d gone completely mad,
Where something was fundamentally wrong with your attitude?

I used to feel that way because I was bullied for years, 
Every support system I thought I had failed me,
My school, my neighborhood, my family, my faith, my peers,
I couldn’t understand why nothing helped to even the slightest degree.

Everything felt like a personal attack,
And I started daydreaming of vengeance on my own behalf,
Of increasingly gruesome ways to fight back,
And instead of bothering me, they made me laugh.

I was turning bad, when once I had been so good, 
Once I had been popular and well-liked,
Never imagining any darkness could cloud my golden childhood,
So that when it did, the pain and terror spiked.

And it came out in destructive ways,
I broke things, I burned things, I cut myself too,
In order to impress others--but to prompt fear, not praise,
Which only isolated me further, which didn’t help my point of view.

I convinced myself that bad was good, that being mean was fun, 
I didn’t need friends, faith or family, I smoked and hung out in a graveyard at night,
I pictured scenarios where I would destroy just about everyone,
But even at my lowest point, I still felt that it was unfair, that something wasn’t right.

That I still deserved love even if it was hard to come by,
That I had value even if it was tough to find,
That there was some spark deep inside me that refused to die, 
An Inherently Happy source for my spirit, heart and mind.

And I’m so glad I never let go of that notion,
I’m ecstatic that I never completely gave up hope, 
Because the Happy that connects all of us is an endless ocean,
And acknowledging and embracing it is what gives life infinite scope.

Haha
Yowza